Something About Mary

“Yes, this is Montana calling from Belle Bridal for Micha. I just have your dress order here and it came back with some questions from the designer, who thinks it was a double order. Can you please give me a call at….”

 

Ladies.  This is generally NOT the message you want to hear from the bridal store two weeks after your dream dress was ordered. I had wanted to chat with them anyway about some finer details of the dress – i.e. who the designer even IS because in all my haste I just forgot to ask! Ha – so upon hearing this message, I immediately hit “call back” and ran to my room so Andrew couldn’t hear me discuss the gown. They answered on the first ring and it went somewhat like this:

Montana was all, “Soooo the designer emailed me and wanted to just double check on some things….what size did you order again?”

(In my head: “OH HELL TO THE NAW Y’ALL DID NOT MESS UP MY DREAM DRESS ORDER!!!! A bitch done tried on a gown and it was perfect and it was supposed to be ordered two weeks ago and a bitch done TOLD ME it would be here in exactly 4 months, and now y’all don’t know my SIZE?!”)

Outloud: *insert politely telling her my dress size in my sweet Southern accent* Remember? I tried it on, and even though it was one size too large, it actually fit really well and I was comfortable in it, so we went ahead and ordered it in that size.

Montana….”Oh. Yes. Absolutely! That’s what I thought. I think the designer was just confused for a moment.  *long pause*………………..And don’t worry at ALL! Your dress has been ordered and in the right size and EVERYTHING is PERFECT!!!

(In my head: “OH HELL TO THE SECOND NAW YOU DID NOT just speak to me in a Minnie Mouse voice in a weak ass attempt to make me believe my dress was ordered and all is well. Ima cut anyone who calls me in September and tells me my dress is late.)

Outloud: Oh my, okay, thank goodness! So relieved.

(In my head: And you better be relieved I’m not in my car on the way to Cincy right NOW. )

Outloud: Well, while I have you sweetie, could you please tell me the designer’s name one more time? I’d like to look the gown up online and see some detailed, zoomed in pictures of it. I didn’t take any photos on my phone because  I don’t want my fiancé to see it.

Montana…”Oh. Okay. Well, the designer is Mary.”

Me: Mary what?

Montana: Mary. Just Mary.

(In my head: Now are you just saying that because you forgot? Or is it really Mary? Because you done forgot what SIZE I wear. How do I know Mary’s last name isn’t Stephanopulous or something and you just can’t remember it?)

Outloud: Oh, how fun! Just Mary. Does she have a website?

Montana: Yes! Of course.

*long pause*

Me: Okay. Do you know what that website might be?

Montana: Yes. I’m googling it right now. Just oooooone second.

(In my head: Girrrrrrrrrl. You better hope that website is the hardest website address in the world because you should know it, or at least give me an idea. So unless that address is ilovemarywithoutalastnamewhomakesdressesandorderstheminthewrongsize.com, then ima need you to pick up the pace here.)

Outloud: Okay, great!

*long pause*

Montana: Ah, here it is! Marysbridal.com

(In my head: Now WHAT did I just say?!)

Outloud: Great, thanks! I’ll check it out. Do you know the style number?

*long pause*

Montana: No…but if you go to the website and go through all the photos you should be able to find your dress.

(In my head: Okay. I am taking OFF my weave and my Lee press-on nails and my URRings, and this is now real…)

Outloud: Perfect! Thanks so much! Have a great night!

Click.

 

In case you’re wondering, I did find my gown on the website. And it only took 30 minutes. But it was totes worth it. J