Dear Abby

11 days. 6 hours. 59 minutes. 29 seconds.

Believe it or not y’all this entire thing is actually beginning to wind down. I feel like it will wind up before it really winds down, but nonetheless we are in the home stretch. Last night Andrew and I began putting together the wedding favors, organizing the wedding party gifts, washing the china plates, and boxing things up. This weekend I had my FINAL dress fitting and I am sooooo happy with the way it has turned out. Momma Jane and her fairies have outdone themselves. If y’all even knew half of the things she did to this dress you would be amazed. 

As things wind down, I am sure there will be some more crazy stories, but I may be too busy at this point to write them down. I am finding that every single free second I have is devoted to the wedding, and to all of my friends: I apologize that I have completely disappeared from all texts/phone calls/emails/carrier pigeons that you may have sent in the past couple of weeks. A bitch is busy, mmmkay? 

Anyway, I was thinking about what to write about today and I thought what I want to do most is offer my two cents. When I very first got engaged, after the well-wishes died down, I was bombarded with advice from every bride and non-bride I knew. And it was awesome to feel so loved and feel everyone’s excitement! So I thought what I will do is write down all that I’ve learned; the good, the bad, the ugly,  and pass it on to anyone who may want or need it. Because y’all know this blog has been a How-To Guide on how NOT to cut a bitch when times get hard. So enjoy!

Enjoy Being Engaged. I cannot stress this one enough. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy that you have taken the next step in your relationship! My first instinct was to plan, plan, plan. I had wedding apps downloaded on my iPad within a week. But stop and think about what just happened. Absorb every second. And that ring?! For God sake’s woman, look at that ring!! 

        Take Advice With A Grain Of Salt. Every piece of advice is well intentioned, this I do not doubt at all. But if you do EVERYTHING that is advised to you, you could very well end up with a day that isn’t about you at all. Not everyone is the same, and you have been thinking about this wedding for months, maybe years, maybe your entire life! So take those pieces of advice that you genuinely feel will add to your day, and simply say thank you to everyone.

Always A Bridesmaid, Never A Bride. This was by far the hardest thing for Andrew and I to swallow. We both have gigantic families, and we both have amazing friends. Initially, we began including everyone in the wedding party. We had about 14 bridesmaids and 17 groomsmen, 5 ring bearers, a 30-minute concert set for music, and 6 flower girls. Okay…I maaaay be exaggerating. But it really wasn’t too far off from that. We both have big hearts and love everyone and wanted to include them. But it was starting to become evident that no one would actually be attending our wedding because they would all be IN it. So we took a step back, and re-worked our focus. We opted to include family only in our immediate bridal party, and we included a few close friends in other ways that we felt was special to us. This was the hardest task ever, but in the end we feel really great about each and every person that is taking part in our big day, and we truly feel that no one is offended that they are not up there with us, but instead are getting to really take in the moment. 

 Create A Budget. I cannot stress this enough. We made an excel spreadsheet that has about a zillion lines on it. Everytime I make a purchase I enter it on the spreadsheet, and it calculates everything. What our budget is, how much we are over/under, our anticipated remaining spending, our “wiggle room” etc. Not only that, but we created an entirely new bank account that we call the Wedding Account, and it has it’s only credit/debit card. Wedding expenses are spent solely from this account, not our bank accounts. The budget is calculated off of this balance at all times. And it helps because sometimes I go way over on something, and sometimes I go way under – this helps me to see the balance and how I’m doing overall. Doooooo it.

5       Technology Is Your Friend. Again with the Excel! Keeping your Guest List organized is quite similar to deactivating a nuclear bomb, or solving world peace. I assure you, it gets overwhelming. So create a spreadsheet. I have ours organized by his family/friends in yellow, and my family/friends in purple. Each person has their name, address, how many is in their party, what their RSVP is, if they have kids, etc. It has been sooooo helpful to refer to, and best of all when it is time for Thank You cards, voila! All set.

.       Tie That Knot Y’all. Seriously, if you are a Bride in 2014 or any year from here forward, I beg of you to go to The Knot website and create an account. Here, you can create your own personal wedding website (shout y’all: http://www.theknot.com/wedding/Micha-and-Andrew ), you can import your guest list from excel, manage your RSVP’s ( we actually solely handled our RSVP’s online in this way, and it was SUPER simple), you can browse ideas that are separated according to wedding colors, and sooooo much more. I visit it almost every day, and I don’t know how I would have kept all of this straight without it! In one click, we could tell our guests hotel info, gift registry, RSVP info, ceremony info, and all kinds of fun things.

        Step Away From The Pinterest and No One Will Get Hurt. Okay, we alllllll love Pinterest. It is the most amazing thing to happen since sliced bread. But let’s all take a healthy dose of Let’s Get Real with a side of Ain’t Got Time. Pinterest is a labyrinth of wedding ideas full of people who DO got time. And I used a LOT of ideas off Pinterest, not gonna lie. But, at some point you have to just walk away. Settle on the fact that you have made your pins and step away and start making things. Allow yourself time for Pinterest Fails (which WILL happen) and stop fantasizing. We would all love to do all the things, but you can’t. It took me months to reach this conclusion. I kept trying to commit to an idea and I couldn’t because I would fall down the rabbit hole. So visit Pinterest, be inspired, pin, and then close the window and get to gettin’.

          Delegate. I was that girl in school who despised group projects. I knew no one in the group could do it half as well as I could and nowhere nearly as quickly as me. I would always take the bulk of the work and tell them I’d get it done and we’d all get the A and move on. Unsurprisingly, no one ever argued with me on this. So naturally I had this mindset with the wedding planning. Well guess what? Life fail. This was a hard pill for me to swallow but…other people are perfectly capable of….doing things. Whoa. Revelation!!! So when I printed my 9-page list and was sitting in the fetal position chewing on my hair, thank God for those that stepped in and stepped up. Once the floodgates opened, I began delegating everything. Seriously. I barely stopped short of asking someone to walk down the aisle for me. So call your girlfriends, your guy friends, your family, your strays, have a party, and get that shit DONE yo.

         Do YOU. As I have mentioned in many of my posts (including this one), I often got wrapped up in trying to make everyone happy. But guess what? Everyone isn’t going to be happy. Someone will think my wedding is too traditional. Someone will think it is way too non-traditional. Someone will think my hair is beautiful, but someone will think it makes me look weird. Someone will love my DJ, someone will be appalled that I didn’t hire a band. Someone will love my country church, and someone will think I’m crazy. I had non-traditional showers and parties and ideas. And guess what? That’s okay. It really is. Because at the end of the day, I am happy with absolutely 100% every single little detail about this wedding. I love my dress, my flower, my church, my music, my cake, my lace, my pearls – my everything! And THAT is what matters. I didn’t budge on much, despite much urging in some areas, and I am glad for that. I am glad I stood my ground and I don’t feel guilty. Finding that place took a looooooong time. I’d advise you start searching for it now, even if you’re not engaged.

       Don’t Obsess Over Your Weight. I did an entire post about this and therefore I will not get on my soapbox here. But ladies, ima say it again: Your man proposed to you because he loves you just the way you are. He did not do so in order to make you drop 20 pounds and start tanning and cut your hair and become a Barbie doll. Andrew loves me and thinks I am gorgeous. And while I still struggle with myself when it comes to this, I remind myself every single day that this man looks at me and sees beauty. I am me. I will walk down that aisle as me, the me he knows and loves. Whatever stage I am at in life. Embrace this. Love you.

      The Little Things. This day can be SO big and very overwhelming. So remember to focus on the little things. Andrew and I have so many parts and pieces of this wedding that are special to us, and most people won’t know or notice. And that’s okay, because we know they’re there. The ceremony itself is absolutely FULL of these small hidden things that make me feel so surrounded by love I can’t even explain it. He and I will have hidden smiles throughout the day, just for us, and that is so special. So step back from the big picture for a moment and come back to each other, and find those moments. Make those moments.

       Things Will Go Wrong. Now, ya’ll know this blog has been the poster child for things that can go wrong with a wedding. Rogue florists, graphic designers who go MIA, gift registries that eat themselves, dresses that self-destruct…I digress. And though I’d like to think I kept myself cool, calm, and collected that was not always the case. I definitely ate a few souls. I definitely cried a few (thousand) tears. It took me a while to get a grasp on myself and remember, it will all be okay. I’m not ACTUALLY going to walk down the aisle naked. I’m quite certain there is a large, laaaarge group of people who would make sure that didn’t happen. And there will be flowers, and people will get invited. The worse (probably) isn’t actually going to happen. So cry a little. Then move on and keep planning and make a Plan B. And a Plan C. And in some cases, a Plan D-Z. Just keep swimmin’.

       It Is a Marriage, Not A Wedding. Above ALL else, this should be your focus. The wedding lasts for one day. And it should, and will, be beautiful. It will be memorable. It will be all you dreamed it to be. Then the next day, it will be a memory. But you will be in this marriage for life, working day after day, putting in hard work, to make it all it can be. Never lose focus of this. In fact, this should be the number one thing on your list to think about at all times. It helped me get through so many breakdowns and bad days, remember it is, after all, just a wedding. The marriage is what you’re going for.

        Write A Blog. Seriously. Or keep a journal. Or hell, tape record your voice. ANYthing that can help you document this process will be the best thing you’ve ever done. I’m not going to lie…I totally go back and read my own blog sometimes. I forget some of the smaller details, and I love to re-visit those days. Sometimes I laugh, and forget that I am the one who wrote it and that it is my life I’m reading about. Sometimes I get sad, sometimes I get angry. But I love my memories. I’m actually strongly considering having this blog in its entirety printed into a keepsake book for us after the wedding.

 Remember To Smile. Lastly, I have to say this: All the ups and downs, all the Willie Dicks, all the crazy moments were absolutely, 100%, amazing and worth it. I have planned this entire wedding, every single detail, from the very beginning. We chose not to hire a wedding planner because they were too costly, and I am so glad we didn’t. I have loved, loved, loved this process. I am starting to have pings of sadness here and there when I am realizing it is over. I would LOVE to be a wedding planner – isn’t that the mantra of every bride who planned her own wedding? I know we haven’t seen the final product, but I just know it will all be perfect for us, even if things go wrong. I love this process, I love this blog, I love the shopping and the late nights, and the booked weekends, and the pinterest fails. I am, at the end of the day, smiling from ear to ear. This wedding has my heart in it, and I am grateful for that.

Thanks for reading y’all. Here….we….GO!!!

Sugar and Spice

So this weekend I had my Honeymoon Shower, hosted by my lovely sister Leslie. I am pretty new to this bride business, obv, so I didn’t really understand how all the shower stuff works. And let me tell you, my southern momma was not happy when I decided to opt for a small, intimate Honeymoon themed shower rather than a large traditional shower. First of all, I didn’t even know that was “required” per se, but apparently it is. But by the time I even figured that out, it was far too late in the game to begin planning a full out shower, and our families live so far apart it probably would require two showers. And apparently that is a thing? I live under a big ol’ wedding rock apparently. When we sent our invitations, we sent our gift registry cards with the invitations, with the mindset of if someone would like to purchase us a wedding gift, they could do so by having that information included in our invitations and bring a gift to the wedding. It wasn’t meant to be rude or presumptuous – we simply wanted to offer that to those that would like to purchase a gift for us, and it was in place of having a separate bridal shower. Looooooord child, I didn’t know I was breaking all the etiquette rules. But, it is spilled milk now and it is what it is y’all! Bring a gift to the wedding. Or don’t. Or do. You know. 

ANYway, like I said, I opted to instead have a very small shower with my sisters, momma, and a few very close friends/family. In the end, after several people couldn’t come, it ended up being about seven of us. And it was perfect!! Leslie decorated her house SO beautifully, allllll in purple. Exhibit A:

I of course squealed at all the purple when I walked in. I don’t understand why the whole world doesn’t love purple. I wonder what it is like if your favorite color is green. Like, half the world is green – grass, trees, plants – what does it feel like to walk outside and LIVE in your favorite color? Andrew says this is all an irrelevant questions because “normal” people aren’t obsessed with their favorite color like I am. He says “normal” people may have a favorite color or a preference, and they like it, but they don’t become quasi-emotionally unstable for 30 seconds upon viewing their favorite color. And they probably don’t decorate entire homes in their favorite color. But seriously, if grass was purple and trees were purple?!?! I would spend entire WEEKS just roaming around endlessly outside smiling and euphoric and blissful. 

…………………

I digress.

Anyway, in addition to the beautiful decorations we also had a smorgasbord of food, that were all designed around my picky palette. Everything was made the “Micha Way”, aka, completely plain Jane. I don’t like a lot of fuss in my food. AND Leslie surprised me by making homemade fried mac n cheese bites, and let me tell you – life changing. 

And just look at this Pinterest WIN that my sweet momma made for me!!!

And aside from the beautiful décor and yummy food, we also had lots of games and presents! I wanted everything to be honeymoon themed, and the girls did not disappoint! I have SOOOO many beautiful pieces of lingerie to take on my honeymoon, along with other fun things. Hehe Both of my sisters gave me awesome gifts. Mary Beth made up a travel bag (purple) for me, already packed and ready to take on my honeymoon – mini bottles of shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant – all travel size and all my brands that I normally use. How awesome is that?! And Leslie made me a “Honeymoon Drawer”. She decorated the inside of a dresser drawer, even hung little pictures inside of it of me and Andrew and all the puppies. Then she filled it with ALL KINDS of goodies! She even put in our first bottle of Woodford Reserve Kentucky Bourbon to crack open when we hop in the hot tub on that first night. It was so thoughtful and unique! See?!

The other girls, and even my momma, hooked me up with lingerie, bath and body stuff, gift cards – oh, it was all just SO great! I am ready for this honeymoon now.

But, above all else, the MOST fun of the day was the games. Leslie had a bunch of games lined up for us to play throughout the afternoon and I have to say I have not laughed that hard in a looooooong time.  I had two favorites. One, was that when we all got there everyone had to put on a fake engagement ring.

 The trigger word of the day was “Andrew”, so any time someone said his name, they had to take off their ring and give it to the first person to catch it and call them out on it. At the end of the day, the person wearing the most diamond rings won a prize. Well, Andrew was the perfect word to use because of course we all kept saying it constsantly!! Finally, I realized some strategy needed to be involved, so I began finding little ways to trick the others into saying his name. For instance, at one point I said, “Does anyone know his middle name?” and my mom immediately said, “I do! I do! It’s Wilson. Andrew Wilson Gehring.” To which I said, “Yep! Now give me your ring.” She looked at me like she was so betrayed. Hahaha I actually ended up winning the game, so it was totally worth it. 

My top favorite game of the day was HILARIOUS. Maybe you had to be there, but truly I laughed until I cried. Any ladies out there need a shower game? Goes like this:

Give the bride a sheet of paper, and secretly tell her to just sit there and write down EVERYTHING everyone says during the next five minutes.

Give each guest a piece of paper and a pencil. Then ask them to keep their legs straight, put one foot on the piece of paper, and bend over and trace their foot without messing up. 

So we did these two things, and I wrote down everything they all said, which in itself was quite humorous because we are NOT flexible ladies. I heard the following phrases, and wrote them down:

“Oh…OH….OHHHH!” 

“Ain’t NO WAY.”

“I need a longer one!!”

“Wow, this is HARD!”

“I stripped ‘backer HOW many days before this?”

“Oh! I can do it! I can DOOOOO it!”

So, we’re all laughing and I wrote all this down, all of the girls completely unaware that I was recording their efforts to trace their foot. Then Leslie take the piece of paper from me, stands up and says, “Okay. The name of this game was Things You Will Hear On Micha and Andrew’s Honeymoon”, and proceeded to read the list outloud.

Go ahead. Re-read those phrases now with that in mind. HA!!! Right?!

After fits of laughter, we all needed a moment to recoup. So each of the girls took turns writing down pieces of advice for a long, happy marriage and they put them in a jar for me to keep. One of my favorites was something that my great-grandma Gladys said years ago and Mary wanted to include it.

After stuffing ourselves with food and laughter, we let the boys come back – Andrew, Daddy, and Colin. We took a bunch of pictures and they helped finish off the food and we went home exhausted and happy. It was such a great day with my friends and family. So much laughter. I really, truly appreciate those who are closest to me, and I am so blessed to be able to count my family as friends. They are truly the core group of people who never fail me, always support me, always show love, and will always have my back. They all love and adore Andrew as son/brother/friend, too, and it is so fulfilling and amazing to sit back take it all in as I head into the last couple weeks of wedding mania. 

I leave you with parting words from my Great Grandma Gladys:

“The first year of marriage, every time you have sex put a penny in a jar. Then beginning with the second year, every time you have sex take a penny out. You’ll never go broke.” – Mammaw Gladys

Think about that for a second. HA!

Livin' On Island Time

Well, I have survived the Plague of 2014 y’all. And may I just say, having the flu and planning a wedding? Yeah. They do NOT go hand in hand. I basically returned from my bachelorette weekend and then retreated into my bed for the next 5 days and didn’t move other than to sit up long enough to eat a bowl of soup and/or TheraFlu. So I’m a bit behind on my story telling. I have my Bachelorette weekend and my dress alterations weekend, so ima break that up into two posts. Because I’m feeling frisky. Woot.

……………………….

So. My bachelorette weekend was a total and complete surprise to me! I have NO idea how this was kept a complete secret and no one spilled the beans. I’m actually really, really impressed. I knew absolutely nothing about it, including when I got in the car to actually depart on the trip – there was some mention of blindfolding me for the car ride, which I am grateful was vetoed as that is probably a valid form of kidnapping. My sister Leslie, maid of honor extraordinaire, planned the entire thing so kudos to her! I was whisked away for the weekend to….Put-In-Bay Island! Somehow, despite me living in Cleveland for four years, and scurrying all over northern Ohio and Canada, I have never been to this island! So I was SUPER excited to go somewhere new. And we had to take a ferry to the island, and y’all know a bitch loves a ferry!! Then we had to ride golf carts around the island all weekend because we didn’t take our car over, and y’all know a bitch loves a golf cart!! I’ll go through some of the finer details of our trip, but then I’ll let the pictures tell the rest of the story. What happens in Put-In-Bay stays in Put-In-Bay   goes in the blog. 

The car ride there took a bit longer than expected. This was mostly due to the rain and gloomy weather, which clearly makes people forget everything they learned in driver’s ed. It was secondarily due to the fact that I was born with a bladder than I can only assume got mixed up with the bladder of a goldfish somewhere during divine conception, and as a result when on a road trip I have to pee every 3.2 minutes. Leslie was driving like a woman on a mission in an attempt to get us there in time for the 4:15 ferry, and despite all the obstacles we were totally on schedule to make it. And then we weren’t. The last stretch of road turned out to be a two lane country road, and a 1984 Buick was taking its annual Friday pilgrimage to the Swift and Save, so needless to say we got a bit behind. Added to this, my bladder couldn’t take it anymore and we were forced to stop in a gas station in deliverance, where upon we were slammed into by a stray northern Ohio redneck buying her cigs. Well, to be fair we weren’t actually slammed into. She did managed to stop within one millimeter of hitting Leslie’s car, and that is most likely because all of us screamed at the top of our lungs like demons. After our hearts returned to a normal rate we concluded we would not be making our desired ferry stop.

We ended up getting there at literally 4:20, just in time to give a fond farewell to our ferry. It was just as well, because there was no clear signage and it took us a solid half hour just to determine how to board the ferry. We spent some time by the loading docks, I peed a few times and sipped on a peach tea (I know, right? Because drinking tea always helps rogue bladders…) 

Before we knew it the ferry was there. We boarded, and decided to sit on top and enjoy the views and the fact that we were on a boat headed to an island!!

One teeeeeeny problem. I may have forgotten to mention that it was about 38 degrees outside. And raining. And windy. 

Second coldest ride of my entire life. (the coldest was on the return ferry home)

Once we arrived on the island, we stood out in the cold and rain for a bit longer whilst we waited on our golf carts to arrive. 

We were soaking wet and frozen by the time we climbed onto the golf carts, and then we had to ride across the whole island at a whopping 5mph. So naturally a large school bus decided to pass us and spew dirt and cold and rain into our faces. I may or may not have cried a little when that happened.

Finally, thank you Tom Cruise, we made it to our cabin! Oh sweet happy day the Lord hath made. Warmth and comfort and dry clothes awaited us!!!!! We all lugged our bags onto the porch, and half-frozen stood and watched Leslie put in the lock combination, waiting to hear that beautiful warm “click” when it opened. It felt a bit like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, you know that part when the whole family comes out to see him plug in the Christmas lights?! Yeah. Ours went about the same way.

That “click” didn’t come, so Leslie tried again. Slippery hands perhaps. Then a third time, perhaps the lock is just cold. Well, fourth time’s a charm…After many tries, Leslie looks up exasperated and asks someone else to try because apparently she can’t work a Master Lock.

By this point, we are all standing along the approximately 8 inch wide spot in front of the cabin that has a slight overhang. Mind you, it is full on raining and the wind is bitchslapping us at alarming rates, but somehow it seemed helpful to hug the cabin. Perhaps to coax it into letting us enter.

After even more failed attempts, we all start getting our phones out. Surely Google can fix this. We all type with frozen fingers entering things like “How to open a Master Lock”, “Tricks to breaking combinations”, “How to make hot chocolate out of rain and tree bark”…

A good solid 30 minutes later, we had five grown adults with access to the internet and a combined 100 years of education behind us who could NOT open this lock. It was over. It just was. Not. Happening. Leslie finally said forget this and took off to the back of the house with the plan of breaking in our own cabin. Then, in the 11^th hour, she lifts up the welcome mat and there is a FREAKING SPARE KEY under the mat. WHY the landlord didn’t offer up this information, and instead chose to seal the house with a lock made by demons is BEYOND my comprehension. All I know is in my frozen, soaked, rain-induced haze, I suddenly see the shape of Leslie coming towards the front door from inside the house. I was sure this was it, I was hallucinating and dying of hypothermia, so it was only natural I would start to go towards the light. But no, it was Leslie. I have to say, in my 31 years on earth, that was the single most happiest I have ever felt to see my sister.

We literally ran into the cabin and immediately found the heat switch and flipped it to Hell with a hint of Fire. I had to pee immediately (shock) and we all began to thaw out. We opted to take a cab to dinner for only $3 a person, but honestly we probably would have paid $30 a person just to avoid getting cold again. 

The rest of the weekend, despite the rough start, turned out to be fantastic. We did some local shopping, and spent a good part of Saturday at a local island Wine Festival 

where we met Elvis

made friends with strangers, and I drank lots of free wine because I’m a bride. I wore “Bride Ears” that said “Bride to Be” on them, and it is amazing how far that will get you! I’m going to use those puppies more often!

We had a great time, laughed a LOT, drank a….little…., and in general it felt good to spend time with some of my closest friends and family and celebrate! 

Leslie, you did AWESOME planning this special weekend, and I am so grateful to have you as my maid of honor and my sister and my friend. I truly appreciate every detail that went into the weekend, and I am so happy for the memories!!! 

So enjoy some more random pictures y’all, and fill in the rest of the weekend details yourself. ;)

 

Oh, and meanwhile back at home Uncle Andrew and Colin.....

 

Peace, Love, and Bride Ears Y'all!!