Dear Abby

11 days. 6 hours. 59 minutes. 29 seconds.

Believe it or not y’all this entire thing is actually beginning to wind down. I feel like it will wind up before it really winds down, but nonetheless we are in the home stretch. Last night Andrew and I began putting together the wedding favors, organizing the wedding party gifts, washing the china plates, and boxing things up. This weekend I had my FINAL dress fitting and I am sooooo happy with the way it has turned out. Momma Jane and her fairies have outdone themselves. If y’all even knew half of the things she did to this dress you would be amazed. 

As things wind down, I am sure there will be some more crazy stories, but I may be too busy at this point to write them down. I am finding that every single free second I have is devoted to the wedding, and to all of my friends: I apologize that I have completely disappeared from all texts/phone calls/emails/carrier pigeons that you may have sent in the past couple of weeks. A bitch is busy, mmmkay? 

Anyway, I was thinking about what to write about today and I thought what I want to do most is offer my two cents. When I very first got engaged, after the well-wishes died down, I was bombarded with advice from every bride and non-bride I knew. And it was awesome to feel so loved and feel everyone’s excitement! So I thought what I will do is write down all that I’ve learned; the good, the bad, the ugly,  and pass it on to anyone who may want or need it. Because y’all know this blog has been a How-To Guide on how NOT to cut a bitch when times get hard. So enjoy!

Enjoy Being Engaged. I cannot stress this one enough. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy that you have taken the next step in your relationship! My first instinct was to plan, plan, plan. I had wedding apps downloaded on my iPad within a week. But stop and think about what just happened. Absorb every second. And that ring?! For God sake’s woman, look at that ring!! 

        Take Advice With A Grain Of Salt. Every piece of advice is well intentioned, this I do not doubt at all. But if you do EVERYTHING that is advised to you, you could very well end up with a day that isn’t about you at all. Not everyone is the same, and you have been thinking about this wedding for months, maybe years, maybe your entire life! So take those pieces of advice that you genuinely feel will add to your day, and simply say thank you to everyone.

Always A Bridesmaid, Never A Bride. This was by far the hardest thing for Andrew and I to swallow. We both have gigantic families, and we both have amazing friends. Initially, we began including everyone in the wedding party. We had about 14 bridesmaids and 17 groomsmen, 5 ring bearers, a 30-minute concert set for music, and 6 flower girls. Okay…I maaaay be exaggerating. But it really wasn’t too far off from that. We both have big hearts and love everyone and wanted to include them. But it was starting to become evident that no one would actually be attending our wedding because they would all be IN it. So we took a step back, and re-worked our focus. We opted to include family only in our immediate bridal party, and we included a few close friends in other ways that we felt was special to us. This was the hardest task ever, but in the end we feel really great about each and every person that is taking part in our big day, and we truly feel that no one is offended that they are not up there with us, but instead are getting to really take in the moment. 

 Create A Budget. I cannot stress this enough. We made an excel spreadsheet that has about a zillion lines on it. Everytime I make a purchase I enter it on the spreadsheet, and it calculates everything. What our budget is, how much we are over/under, our anticipated remaining spending, our “wiggle room” etc. Not only that, but we created an entirely new bank account that we call the Wedding Account, and it has it’s only credit/debit card. Wedding expenses are spent solely from this account, not our bank accounts. The budget is calculated off of this balance at all times. And it helps because sometimes I go way over on something, and sometimes I go way under – this helps me to see the balance and how I’m doing overall. Doooooo it.

5       Technology Is Your Friend. Again with the Excel! Keeping your Guest List organized is quite similar to deactivating a nuclear bomb, or solving world peace. I assure you, it gets overwhelming. So create a spreadsheet. I have ours organized by his family/friends in yellow, and my family/friends in purple. Each person has their name, address, how many is in their party, what their RSVP is, if they have kids, etc. It has been sooooo helpful to refer to, and best of all when it is time for Thank You cards, voila! All set.

.       Tie That Knot Y’all. Seriously, if you are a Bride in 2014 or any year from here forward, I beg of you to go to The Knot website and create an account. Here, you can create your own personal wedding website (shout y’all: http://www.theknot.com/wedding/Micha-and-Andrew ), you can import your guest list from excel, manage your RSVP’s ( we actually solely handled our RSVP’s online in this way, and it was SUPER simple), you can browse ideas that are separated according to wedding colors, and sooooo much more. I visit it almost every day, and I don’t know how I would have kept all of this straight without it! In one click, we could tell our guests hotel info, gift registry, RSVP info, ceremony info, and all kinds of fun things.

        Step Away From The Pinterest and No One Will Get Hurt. Okay, we alllllll love Pinterest. It is the most amazing thing to happen since sliced bread. But let’s all take a healthy dose of Let’s Get Real with a side of Ain’t Got Time. Pinterest is a labyrinth of wedding ideas full of people who DO got time. And I used a LOT of ideas off Pinterest, not gonna lie. But, at some point you have to just walk away. Settle on the fact that you have made your pins and step away and start making things. Allow yourself time for Pinterest Fails (which WILL happen) and stop fantasizing. We would all love to do all the things, but you can’t. It took me months to reach this conclusion. I kept trying to commit to an idea and I couldn’t because I would fall down the rabbit hole. So visit Pinterest, be inspired, pin, and then close the window and get to gettin’.

          Delegate. I was that girl in school who despised group projects. I knew no one in the group could do it half as well as I could and nowhere nearly as quickly as me. I would always take the bulk of the work and tell them I’d get it done and we’d all get the A and move on. Unsurprisingly, no one ever argued with me on this. So naturally I had this mindset with the wedding planning. Well guess what? Life fail. This was a hard pill for me to swallow but…other people are perfectly capable of….doing things. Whoa. Revelation!!! So when I printed my 9-page list and was sitting in the fetal position chewing on my hair, thank God for those that stepped in and stepped up. Once the floodgates opened, I began delegating everything. Seriously. I barely stopped short of asking someone to walk down the aisle for me. So call your girlfriends, your guy friends, your family, your strays, have a party, and get that shit DONE yo.

         Do YOU. As I have mentioned in many of my posts (including this one), I often got wrapped up in trying to make everyone happy. But guess what? Everyone isn’t going to be happy. Someone will think my wedding is too traditional. Someone will think it is way too non-traditional. Someone will think my hair is beautiful, but someone will think it makes me look weird. Someone will love my DJ, someone will be appalled that I didn’t hire a band. Someone will love my country church, and someone will think I’m crazy. I had non-traditional showers and parties and ideas. And guess what? That’s okay. It really is. Because at the end of the day, I am happy with absolutely 100% every single little detail about this wedding. I love my dress, my flower, my church, my music, my cake, my lace, my pearls – my everything! And THAT is what matters. I didn’t budge on much, despite much urging in some areas, and I am glad for that. I am glad I stood my ground and I don’t feel guilty. Finding that place took a looooooong time. I’d advise you start searching for it now, even if you’re not engaged.

       Don’t Obsess Over Your Weight. I did an entire post about this and therefore I will not get on my soapbox here. But ladies, ima say it again: Your man proposed to you because he loves you just the way you are. He did not do so in order to make you drop 20 pounds and start tanning and cut your hair and become a Barbie doll. Andrew loves me and thinks I am gorgeous. And while I still struggle with myself when it comes to this, I remind myself every single day that this man looks at me and sees beauty. I am me. I will walk down that aisle as me, the me he knows and loves. Whatever stage I am at in life. Embrace this. Love you.

      The Little Things. This day can be SO big and very overwhelming. So remember to focus on the little things. Andrew and I have so many parts and pieces of this wedding that are special to us, and most people won’t know or notice. And that’s okay, because we know they’re there. The ceremony itself is absolutely FULL of these small hidden things that make me feel so surrounded by love I can’t even explain it. He and I will have hidden smiles throughout the day, just for us, and that is so special. So step back from the big picture for a moment and come back to each other, and find those moments. Make those moments.

       Things Will Go Wrong. Now, ya’ll know this blog has been the poster child for things that can go wrong with a wedding. Rogue florists, graphic designers who go MIA, gift registries that eat themselves, dresses that self-destruct…I digress. And though I’d like to think I kept myself cool, calm, and collected that was not always the case. I definitely ate a few souls. I definitely cried a few (thousand) tears. It took me a while to get a grasp on myself and remember, it will all be okay. I’m not ACTUALLY going to walk down the aisle naked. I’m quite certain there is a large, laaaarge group of people who would make sure that didn’t happen. And there will be flowers, and people will get invited. The worse (probably) isn’t actually going to happen. So cry a little. Then move on and keep planning and make a Plan B. And a Plan C. And in some cases, a Plan D-Z. Just keep swimmin’.

       It Is a Marriage, Not A Wedding. Above ALL else, this should be your focus. The wedding lasts for one day. And it should, and will, be beautiful. It will be memorable. It will be all you dreamed it to be. Then the next day, it will be a memory. But you will be in this marriage for life, working day after day, putting in hard work, to make it all it can be. Never lose focus of this. In fact, this should be the number one thing on your list to think about at all times. It helped me get through so many breakdowns and bad days, remember it is, after all, just a wedding. The marriage is what you’re going for.

        Write A Blog. Seriously. Or keep a journal. Or hell, tape record your voice. ANYthing that can help you document this process will be the best thing you’ve ever done. I’m not going to lie…I totally go back and read my own blog sometimes. I forget some of the smaller details, and I love to re-visit those days. Sometimes I laugh, and forget that I am the one who wrote it and that it is my life I’m reading about. Sometimes I get sad, sometimes I get angry. But I love my memories. I’m actually strongly considering having this blog in its entirety printed into a keepsake book for us after the wedding.

 Remember To Smile. Lastly, I have to say this: All the ups and downs, all the Willie Dicks, all the crazy moments were absolutely, 100%, amazing and worth it. I have planned this entire wedding, every single detail, from the very beginning. We chose not to hire a wedding planner because they were too costly, and I am so glad we didn’t. I have loved, loved, loved this process. I am starting to have pings of sadness here and there when I am realizing it is over. I would LOVE to be a wedding planner – isn’t that the mantra of every bride who planned her own wedding? I know we haven’t seen the final product, but I just know it will all be perfect for us, even if things go wrong. I love this process, I love this blog, I love the shopping and the late nights, and the booked weekends, and the pinterest fails. I am, at the end of the day, smiling from ear to ear. This wedding has my heart in it, and I am grateful for that.

Thanks for reading y’all. Here….we….GO!!!