Well, I have survived the Plague of 2014 y’all. And may I
just say, having the flu and planning a wedding? Yeah. They do NOT go hand in
hand. I basically returned from my bachelorette weekend and then retreated into
my bed for the next 5 days and didn’t move other than to sit up long enough to
eat a bowl of soup and/or TheraFlu. So I’m a bit behind on my story telling. I
have my Bachelorette weekend and my dress alterations weekend, so ima break
that up into two posts. Because I’m feeling frisky. Woot.
……………………….
So. My bachelorette weekend was a total and complete
surprise to me! I have NO idea how this was kept a complete secret and no one
spilled the beans. I’m actually really, really impressed. I knew absolutely
nothing about it, including when I got in the car to actually depart on the
trip – there was some mention of blindfolding me for the car ride, which I am
grateful was vetoed as that is probably a valid form of kidnapping. My sister
Leslie, maid of honor extraordinaire, planned the entire thing so kudos to her!
I was whisked away for the weekend to….Put-In-Bay Island! Somehow, despite me
living in Cleveland for four years, and scurrying all over northern Ohio and
Canada, I have never been to this island! So I was SUPER excited to go
somewhere new. And we had to take a ferry to the island, and y’all know a bitch
loves a ferry!! Then we had to ride golf carts around the island all weekend
because we didn’t take our car over, and y’all know a bitch loves a golf cart!!
I’ll go through some of the finer details of our trip, but then I’ll let the
pictures tell the rest of the story. What happens in Put-In-Bay stays in
Put-In-Bay goes in the blog.
The car ride there took a bit longer than expected. This was
mostly due to the rain and gloomy weather, which clearly makes people forget
everything they learned in driver’s ed. It was secondarily due to the fact that
I was born with a bladder than I can only assume got mixed up with the bladder
of a goldfish somewhere during divine conception, and as a result when on a
road trip I have to pee every 3.2 minutes. Leslie was driving like a woman on a
mission in an attempt to get us there in time for the 4:15 ferry, and despite
all the obstacles we were totally on schedule to make it. And then we weren’t.
The last stretch of road turned out to be a two lane country road, and a 1984
Buick was taking its annual Friday pilgrimage to the Swift and Save, so
needless to say we got a bit behind. Added to this, my bladder couldn’t take it
anymore and we were forced to stop in a gas station in deliverance, where upon
we were slammed into by a stray northern Ohio redneck buying her cigs. Well, to
be fair we weren’t actually slammed into. She did managed to stop within one
millimeter of hitting Leslie’s car, and that is most likely because all of us
screamed at the top of our lungs like demons. After our hearts returned to a
normal rate we concluded we would not be making our desired ferry stop.
We ended up getting there at literally 4:20, just in time to
give a fond farewell to our ferry. It was just as well, because there was no
clear signage and it took us a solid half hour just to determine how to board
the ferry. We spent some time by the loading docks, I peed a few times and
sipped on a peach tea (I know, right? Because drinking tea always helps rogue
bladders…)
Before we knew it the ferry was there. We boarded, and decided
to sit on top and enjoy the views and the fact that we were on a boat headed to
an island!!
One teeeeeeny problem. I may have forgotten to mention that it was
about 38 degrees outside. And raining. And windy.
Second coldest ride of my entire life. (the coldest was on
the return ferry home)
Once we arrived on the island, we stood out in the cold and
rain for a bit longer whilst we waited on our golf carts to arrive.
We were
soaking wet and frozen by the time we climbed onto the golf carts, and then we
had to ride across the whole island at a whopping 5mph. So naturally a large
school bus decided to pass us and spew dirt and cold and rain into our faces. I
may or may not have cried a little when that happened.
Finally, thank you Tom Cruise, we made it to our cabin! Oh
sweet happy day the Lord hath made. Warmth and comfort and dry clothes awaited
us!!!!! We all lugged our bags onto the porch, and half-frozen stood and
watched Leslie put in the lock combination, waiting to hear that beautiful warm
“click” when it opened. It felt a bit like National Lampoon’s Christmas
Vacation, you know that part when the whole family comes out to see him plug in
the Christmas lights?! Yeah. Ours went about the same way.
That “click” didn’t come, so Leslie tried again. Slippery
hands perhaps. Then a third time, perhaps the lock is just cold. Well, fourth
time’s a charm…After many tries, Leslie looks up exasperated and asks someone
else to try because apparently she can’t work a Master Lock.
By this point, we are all standing along the approximately 8
inch wide spot in front of the cabin that has a slight overhang. Mind you, it
is full on raining and the wind is bitchslapping us at alarming rates, but
somehow it seemed helpful to hug the cabin. Perhaps to coax it into letting us
enter.
After even more failed attempts, we all start getting our
phones out. Surely Google can fix this. We all type with frozen fingers
entering things like “How to open a Master Lock”, “Tricks to breaking
combinations”, “How to make hot chocolate out of rain and tree bark”…
A good solid 30 minutes later, we had five grown adults with
access to the internet and a combined 100 years of education behind us who
could NOT open this lock. It was over. It just was. Not. Happening. Leslie
finally said forget this and took off to the back of the house with the plan of
breaking in our own cabin. Then, in the 11th hour, she lifts up the welcome
mat and there is a FREAKING SPARE KEY under the mat. WHY the landlord didn’t
offer up this information, and instead chose to seal the house with a lock made
by demons is BEYOND my comprehension. All I know is in my frozen, soaked,
rain-induced haze, I suddenly see the shape of Leslie coming towards the front
door from inside the house. I was sure this was it, I was hallucinating and
dying of hypothermia, so it was only natural I would start to go towards the
light. But no, it was Leslie. I have to say, in my 31 years on earth, that was
the single most happiest I have ever felt to see my sister.
We literally ran into the cabin and immediately found the
heat switch and flipped it to Hell with a hint of Fire. I had to pee
immediately (shock) and we all began to thaw out. We opted to take a cab to
dinner for only $3 a person, but honestly we probably would have paid $30 a
person just to avoid getting cold again.
The rest of the weekend, despite the rough start, turned out
to be fantastic. We did some local shopping, and spent a good part of Saturday
at a local island Wine Festival
where we met Elvis
made friends with
strangers, and I drank lots of free wine because I’m a bride. I wore “Bride
Ears” that said “Bride to Be” on them, and it is amazing how far that will get
you! I’m going to use those puppies more often!
We had a great time, laughed a LOT, drank a….little…., and
in general it felt good to spend time with some of my closest friends and
family and celebrate!
Leslie, you did AWESOME planning this special weekend, and I
am so grateful to have you as my maid of honor and my sister and my friend. I
truly appreciate every detail that went into the weekend, and I am so happy for
the memories!!!
So enjoy some more random pictures y’all, and fill in the rest of the
weekend details yourself. ;)
Oh, and meanwhile back at home Uncle Andrew and Colin.....
Peace, Love, and Bride Ears Y'all!!
No comments:
Post a Comment