Wild Wedding Weekend, Pt.1 of 3

So this past weekend had SO much wedding crammed into it that I have decided this post is going to have to be a three-parter. Yes, THREE parts. A to be continued. A wait until next time. Dunh Dunh DUNH!!

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Okay, so it isn’t exactly a nail-biter. But I did do a LOT of wedding things this weekend. So I present to you, my Wild Wedding Weekend: Part 1.

Leading up to this Saturday I made Andrew promise me he would devote the entire day to less than pleasant wedding activities. I had to basically have him hand in his man-card for a couple of days, to be returned upon completion of all wedding related festivities this weekend, with a non-refundable deposit of “Yes, dear, whatever you say dear.” He even turned down a golf outing for me, so I have to give a huge, super shout-out to my fiancé and his awesomeness.

Saturday morning began with us waking up to an email from our invitation designer. His name is Willie. Willie Dick. Like James Bond. Except not at all. A couple weeks ago I sent him the basic information needed for our wedding invitations. Andrew’s brother offered to take care of our invitations as his gift to us, which we were SUPER excited about. Invitations are expensive, yo. So may I pre-empt this by saying I am VERY grateful, and am NOT complaining. Now. With that said…sometimes, when you get things for free, the person doing the giving, sometimes, just sometimes, doesn’t really worry about um….anything. And timelines are pretty much…non-existent. So I sent good ol’ Willie a nice big long email giving him allll the things. All of our final invitation information, and a big long list of questions. Do you include envelopes Willie? What size will these be Willie?! Hey Willie, how long before we receive them? When can we see proofs Willie? I need to mail them soon Willie. Willie…oh Willlllliiiieeeee? I even included a “mock-up” of an invitation I made to give him an idea of what type of look I was going for.

Now, I am not a Bridezilla by any means, so my email was sweet and cheerful, despite its lengthy content. So I hit send, and waited cheerfully and dreamed of our perfect invites. A few days pass. I am slightly antsy, but not awful. A few more days passed and I became only slightly worried. A week and a half passes, and I find myself carving the name Willie Dick into my desk at work….SO, I decided to send a follow-up email and gently nudge him along. Willie? Hey Willie, how’s it going Willie man?! Did you get my email with all those questions? Here. Ima re-write them allll out for you in this email. Willie, we need to order these invitations. Yesterday. Thanks, Willie.

A few days pass. My nose-holes are only flared slightly, and I managed to maintain my smile. A few days more pass. I send a very, very sweet lil’ email to Willie. Willie…are you alive Willie? Stay with me Willie. I need you Willie. A few days more pass. Then we arrive at Saturday morning, the kick-off to Wedding Weekend. Andrew and I are still lazing around in bed making our plans for the day, and I have my phone out and I see an email. From Willie!!!!!! Oh Willie, thank you, you DO care, you DO really like me Willie!!! I squealed with glee and opened the email with anticipation, nudging Andrew and going “This is it! Willie responded! This is our invitations proofs!! GET UP MAN!!!” We re-positioned ourselves and I eagerly clicked on the email from Willie and it began to appear, line by….oh, just one line. Okay. Short-hand perhaps? I read it in its entirety in 12.2 seconds. “Hi Micha. Got your email. Your invites look pretty good. Want me to print ‘em? Thanks. Willie.”

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The first to break the silence was surprisingly Andrew who yells, “Can he READ?!!” and we both fell into fits of laughter. Because honestly, the only other choice was tears. So we laughed. We laughed so hard we cried. Willie. Silly Willie. Silly Willie Dick.

NO! I do NOT want you to just print the Microsoft Publisher document I created in 3 minutes. I need to know what size, Willie. I need to tell you how many, Willie. Willie, I NEED ENVELOPES. DO YOU SELL ENVELOPES? DO YOU MAKE ALL THE THINGS WILLIE?!

I started envisioning my wedding invitations being made in Willie’s backyard, where I can only assume he has been secretly hoarding cereal boxes for the better part of the past year, carefully collecting them, so that when the time came, he could cut the backs off and print my Microsoft office invitations on the back of them.

I started envisioning myself not having invitations at all, but rather instead walking door to door, a la Jehovah’s witnesses, and ringing people’s doorbells and asking them to attend my wedding please. And perhaps the stray friend would give me a cookie or a hug to sustain myself.

I started envisioning Willie Dick not being an actual real person at all, but instead some type of computer automated program that responds to worried bride’s emails with just the wrong things, created by someone (a man) who finds humor in such situations.

And I started to reply to his email. But then I thought better of it. No good would come from it, and I’m fairly certain even if I wrote out my questions again and found a way to attach a loud speaker to the email so that it may be read aloud as would a Sermon on a Sunday morning from a pulpit made of gold. No. Willie isn’t going to respond. Willie Dick is not interested.

So after fits of giggling, followed by worst-case scenarios, Andrew and I both agreed. We are getting these made for free. Patience must be something we focus on. So I am going to re-visit my invitation design and actually make it look as good as I possibly can, and then I’m going to re-send it to Willie and just simply say: Print ‘em, Willie. You print Willie Dick like you’ve never printed before.

And I will figure the rest out later.

The Gehring Wedding saga continues…tomorrow! In the meantime, don’t be startled if I ring your doorbell later this week.

And Willie….I’m watching you.