So Close I Can Taste It

2 months. 5 days. 5 hours. 1 minute. 20 seconds.

As of this post, that is the precise amount of time left until my wedding. We can count this in days now people! What what?!?! It's so close I can taste it!! (You're welcome Mike Grasso)

These past few days have been one big wedding frenzy. And y’all know that means stories.

After church on Sunday we decided on a whim to finally go purchase Andrew’s wedding band. It was so much fun! Up until now I’ve been the one wearing something on my finger, trying new rings on, and getting all excited. It was fun to see him be the one who got to look at all the rings and try on all the things. There are way more choices for men than I realized. Tungsten. Stainless Steel. Titanium. Vitalium. White Gold. Sterling Silver. Yellow Gold. Seriously, men’s ring are almost as complicated as ours! We had to learn all about the finer details. For instance, did you know that Tungsten is the strongest ring, is totally scratch resistant, but it is also the only ring that can shatter on strong impact? Just shatter. Poof.

And did you know that Gold/Silver are the only metals than can be resized by jewelers? If you do any of the others, you have to actually give the jeweler your old ring and they just make an entirely new ring for you. The metal can’t be melted down and adjusted apparently.

And did you know, that for some ungodly reason, there are actually men’s wedding bands that are half an inch wide, yellow gold, and adorned with THREE rows of bling diamonds? I mean, I’m talking Jersey Shore on crack here people. I’m so grateful I have a sensible man. He finally settled on a nice ring that had a small bit of a design element to it in the way the metal was cut. It looks very manly yet very nice all at once. And he is excited because it has a rough coating on a portion of it, so he can “file his nails” on it. Yes. That’s my man.

…….Moving right along.

On Monday it was INVITATION DAY!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know why, but for some reason mailing my invitations has been the one thing that I really felt made all of this real. We invited people. This is happening. Yay!

We opted against a calligraphy artist to hand-address the invitations. I know it is pretty, yadda yadda yadda. But it also cost money, and it is the one piece of the invitation that gets ripped open and tossed in the trash. Unless you’re my mom, who likely will frame it and make me sign it in some inconspicuous location.

But most people are not my mom. So we opted to print directly onto the envelopes. My sweet Andrew completely designed the envelopes and they turned out great! He also designed and created the inserts for the directions. Between all of that, and me personally designing the actual invitation and the RSVP/Registry cards, we have decided someone should have paid US. I mean for real, other bitches get paid to do this stuff all the time!

Anyway, as we began the envelope process, Andrew mumbled something about how it should only take about 30 minutes. And it totally did! Except, add 8 more hours to that. And then you’ll be correct. As it turns out, the combination of a stubborn printer and a quasi-OCD bride is really not all that great of a combination. We spent some good quality time on the directions insert because I had to have all the fonts match in color and size. Then I had to pretend I was someone else, like Great Aunt Bertha Jean, who hadn’t ever heard of this church, and was partially blind and arriving via bicycle. I needed to make for absolute certain that these directions were simple and efficient. This church isn’t going to show up on your GPS most likely, and Bethel is kind of located in a large field. We included a map and directions and will also be sending out Angels that have been specifically trained to guide stray guests in the right direction.

So we finished the direction inserts, and it was time to print the envelopes. I have always, always, always had trouble with printers. And this day was no exception. For whatever reason the printer picked this day to be a stubborn piece of equipment and refused to let us load the envelopes all together. There was room. Plenty of room. It was just mean. So we had to open each file on the computer one at a time, load one envelope in the printer, hit print and let it print one. Then we had to close it, hit a button on the printer when it began to beep and screech, and start all over again. With envelope number two. We did this ONE. MILLION. TIMES.

Okay. It was 125 times. But I kid you not, we were sweating. My friend Matt was in town visiting for Labor Day weekend (Hey Matty hey!) so he was there helping us. He is used to my OCD tendencies so he didn’t even bat an eye when I yelled at him for “shuffling” the directions cards to count them instead of picking them up one by one. He also gave an “Awwwww shit” look to Andrew when Andrew decided it would be wise to ignore my measurements and paper cutting directions and try it “his own way”. It was not wise. And that night, he didn’t even flinch when I made the no beverages and/or no food and/or no dust particles on the kitchen table while the invitations were in progress. Bless his heart.

Andrew took the invitations to the post office yesterday morning and they are now officially on their way to all you little crazies out there who are coming to my weddin’!

Finally, last night we had to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to update our registries. Because as you ALL know by this point ain’t nothing went right with this shindig. So naturally, when I checked my registry yesterday Macy’s informed me the dishes I had selected had been discontinued, and BBB informed me the bedding I had selected was no longer available. But I didn’t cut anyone. I’m used to the “ooopsies” by now. So we went to BBB last night so I could look at their dishes. And thank goodness we did! I found a set that I AM IN LOVE WITH. I literally died. Okay. Wrong use of the word “literally” all you grammar police. But you get the idea. I registered for a set of Lenox everyday-use dishes and I will punch babies to get them. They are beautiful!!! (Not your babies though. Just to be clear.) The thing was though, they didn’t have the ability to register for these in store, it had to be done on line (ooopsies). The man who was helping us offered to take care of it for me. He handed me what looked like a scrap piece of paper straight up out of his wallet and said, “If you want to jot down what you want, when I go online tonight, if I have time I will add your dishes to the registry. But if you check it later and they aren’t on there, you’ll know I forgot.”

Um.

I didn’t even try to be polite. I just looked at him and said “I’ll do it myself.” Don’t you try to Willie Dick me old man. I’ve been around this block a time or two.

Okay, I think that is the basic update for now. Invitations have been mailed. Wedding bands have been purchased. My dress is supposed to arrive on Saturday. Y’all know that won’t happen though, right?!