The Proposal

Well, here it is. The blog I've always dreamed of having - my WEDDING blog!! You guuuuuuys. This is going to be WAY more fun than Thintervention was. And let's be honest - that was a good blog. I figured I am the type of person who is going to want to track every second of this journey that I'm about to set forth on. And I have been warned by my sweet sister that people will "block my ass" if I get too wedding-y on Facebook all the time. So a blog just seemed like the best option! I have already started reading wedding posts like its my job, and I have already become a Pinterest whore, so I really need an outlet. Stat.

I am going to devote this post not so much to wedding planning, but to the actual proposal!! I've received tons of congratulations, but I've had very little chance to tell our story to people. And may I just say in regards to congratulations on Facebook - y'all really read my Facebook! I didn't even know that I KNEW that many people, let alone that there would be that many people to wish us well. I felt so loved!! And stalked...

So. The Proposal.

He did it on Christmas Eve. And in hindsight, I should have known it was coming, but because I was so caught up in the Spirit of Christmas I just attributed everything to that, rather than an impending proposal. We began our day by going back and visiting the bookstore where we met - a local Barnes & Noble that has a Starbucks inside. We technically met online, but this was our first in-person meeting. So we thought we would be all romantic and just visit the bookstore and have a cup of coffee. Well, I sat down at the table and just started to cry. I was overwhelmed with how much I love this man and how much he changed my life, and I just felt so happy to return to that place where it all began. But that wasn't the proposal, and I didn't think anything of it! We left and grabbed lunch, and then he took me to a BEAUTIFUL cathedral downtown for Christmas Eve service. The service was stunning, and ended with almost 1,000 people singing "Silent Night" by candlelight. And I cried. Again. I just felt so loved and blessed and 'tis the season, so again I wasn't thinking proposal day.

We get home, and he cooks me an AMAZING dinner of spaghetti and homemade meatballs, garlic bread and dipping oils, all by candlelight. And I felt so happy and fulfilled. And yet still wasn't suspicious. After dinner, we opened our Christmas presents. He kept acting very distracted when he was opening his gifts, but I just thought he was excited to see me open mine, so I didn't think much of it. We finished, and then he said he had one more present for me. He gets the laptop out and hooked it up to the big screen and we both sat down. Then it began.

A beautiful video began to play, set to John Mayer's "Love Is A Verb". It was photos of us, close friends and family, and thanking me for a wonderful year and saying Merry Christmas, and it was so great. I cried, and thought, "What a sweet gift!!!" but I still didn't get it. About 2 minutes into the video, it suddenly changes course. Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors" begins to play, which is OUR song, and on screen 1 Corinthians 13 appears, showing the definition of Love. That is when I knew. I began to ugly cry. No, not even ugly cry. Fugly cry. The video, set to our song, began to unfold as "'Twas the Night Before Christmas", but he re-wrote it to tell our love story. He divided it into chapters that each described part of the journey of our relationship. By the end of the story I was completely a mess, and the video asked me to stand, so I stood. The music softened a bit, and he got down on one knee. The video continued telling the story right up until the key moment where it had a special screen appear, and then he began speaking to me. He proposed down on one knee, and I screamed yes at least 20 times, and I fell down onto the floor with him and just cried and smiled and hugged and kissed and cried. Then, after a couple minutes I finally truly saw the ring. It is gorgeous. I have diligently tried to get a good picture of it to post on Facebook, but I just can't get one even close to how beautiful it truly is. I'm going to have to find a real camera and take pictures!! Anyway, amongst my blubbering happiness, suddenly I look back over at the video, and he had some special screens that continued to play after "They Lived Happily Ever After. The End." that said, "Actually...this is just the beginning. I can't wait to marry you!!"

It was truly a beautiful proposal, and he put SOOOOO much time and thought into it. It melted me. It was about 10 minutes long, and the first time through I was able to focus for about half of it. So needless to say I watched it about 10 times that night until I had it memorized. We called our families, half of which already knew because he had let them in on the secret. He had asked my Dad for his blessing a few weeks before, and then he told my mom. My sister helped him with the ring selection, and he had told his parents to get their blessing. A few friends helped (unknowingly) by giving him pictures for the video - he just told them it was a Christmas gift.

I have never felt so alive in my entire life as I was in that moment. I will devote this blog mostly to table settings and flowers and dresses and venues and hot mess days that I'm sure to have. But I want to devote this post to this man. He met me during a time in my life when I felt so alone, so afraid, and so beaten down. My prior relationship had stripped me of my self-esteem, my trust, my happiness and my faith in humanity in one big swipe. Friends and family helped me limp along in any way they could, but I felt so broken and so convinced that love was not in the cards for me. When I met Andrew, I spoke very honestly to him about what I had been through, and what it had done to me. I gave him all my baggage and once, and apologized for what he may have to do to rebuild that which was broken by someone else. I gave him my past without being able to promise a future. I was scared, both of him and of myself. Early on I would call them car backfires - I would say I would hear a car backfire and automatically assume it was a gunshot and I would head for the hills. And you know what his reponse was? Patience. Understanding. Listening. Calming. Our first several months together were struggles. I didn't know what to do when he was nice to me. I didn't realize how emotionally and verbally abused I had been prior to him, so much so that when he was nice I literally could not understand it. But the most amazing thing was, I knew how to love HIM. I could tell what he needed, I knew how to love. I still had it to give. And then the remarkable happened. My heart was rebuilt. I loved. I showed compassion. I learned to trust. I was given honesty and respect, and gave them equally. He never let go, and neither did I. And then slowly he became my best friend, my soulmate. A term I had never believed in before was becoming my bread and butter. My faith grew stronger. My self-esteem grew stronger. I felt alive. And so very in love. I have a connection so deep, and so strong with this man that I could never put it into words. He is my everything, and I cannot wait to take our vows before God and enter into this marriage with him. My ring is beautiful, our engagement was great, I know our wedding will be amazing and our honeymoon will be perfect; but I want the marriage. I want the team, the love, the ups and the downs for the rest of my life. I want the union, the best friend, my other half. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly and if we struggle I want to struggle together. I want all that a marriage encompasses, not just parts of it. I cannot believe how much my life has changed, and I cannot wait to see how it will continue to evolve.

Thank you for loving me Andrew Wilson Gehring. Always.